User blog:NodPrime/Still here
I guess it's a little harder to just walk off on something you've been a part of for most of your life. I'll still be here I guess, letting Asredon's adventures continue so that he may live on at least. The outburst the other day I can't even begin to describe. It was ''pretty fucking stupid. Got angry over a discord chat group - what a retard lmao. It's embarrassing and disappointing in myself if anything, to cast away friends and near-family because whoops one decision was made without me. What a cunt. Of course, I am not asking to be administrator again. I walked off on that and it's my decision (and frankly, my work was done. I mean, 4 years and a lot of banning, I racked up quite the record on that one, and nowadays there's just no one around to ban. No fun in no executions). I should like to apologise for that incredible outburst. It was unreasonable, stupid and flat out embarrassing. I accused my closest friend of backstabbing me? Like... what? Not even close to such a thing and yet, it's what I called it. Backstabbing would be if they had me banned behind my back, or something extreme, not 'I made a discord group because I wanted to do something nice.' I unleashed a terrible, almight rant upon Ducky shortly after. I cannot tell you how much I regret doing that. This was my best friend. My ''best fucking friend and I was so quick to discard them on the belief they were a traitor over nothing. Not because I was right but because I was angry. Angry over nothing. A true embarrassment. And then, realise just how many people I've driven away, not out of justice but because I decided I was right. Lockheedf16, he was banned from the Skype group (though evidence did suggest there was dissent from him before, I can see that now it was quite well founded) and as a result from the wiki. And for what? Because he annoyed me. Not anyone else, just ME. And he was driven from the community because of it. If that's not selfish, I don't know what is. Ducky always complained they were being manipulated by those they went on to be with. I resigned my guardian status because they wanted to be with people again already. I never stopped to think - maybe I was worse than they were. All this time, worrying about them being manipulated, and yet the grand manipulator was here all along. Their personality changing to be more like mine, steering them away from people? That was my manipulation. I had feelings that what I was doing was wrong before, but never acted on the pretext that I was right. I was not. Turns out I was just as bad. (Though I was still right about Ryan and Max, I think on that we can agree.) The one they ran to for safety, was in fact the biggest danger they had. I can't apologise enough for this one. I could say sorry 'til I drop dead at age 1000 and it still wouldn't be enough. Countless other fall under this list, Malachi, Frost, Aqua, all hurt because I'm a stuck-up, self-righteous asswipe. Believing I was above everyone else in some stupid quest for glory. This is why I'm not requesting a return to adminship as well - if my mind is that compromised that a simple decision made out of my jurisdiction is enough to send me on a flaming rant, then I am not administrator material, plain and simple. I may have been severla years ago, but not anymore. Whether my apologies (mainly to Tim and Ducky) are accepted is up to them, not me. Should they bless me with acceptance I would be grateful, if they choose not to then I am understanding. All life is a learning experience - this is just one of them I seek to overcome through peace, not conflict. I wish you all well, and may peace be upon you. (Unless you're Max. You still suck, Max.) Category:Blog posts